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From the archives: YaaaaaaaarghPaul
2009-02-03 21:04:00 UTC

(While I’m waiting for my blogging mojo to return, have this enlightening report from a few years back:)

I spent a considerable portion of today going around Real Shops™, which was fantastic. The shop staff at these small, independent establishments were invariably friendly, chatty and helpful, and neither Wal*Mart, Starbucks, Macdonalds or News Corporation got a penny out of me.

In a random Spanish-themed spice shop on Leven Street I picked up a phialbottle of ‘Da Bomb’; a habenero-based hot sauce described on the label as “Beyond Insanity”. It further claims to be “One of the hottest sauces on earth! Pure habanero pepper enhanced with habanero infused flavor[sic] create a sauce measured at 119,700 ”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scoville_scale">Scoville units".

This reminds me of the time when Alex (not that Alex, a different one) bet that I couldn’t drink neat Tabasco sauce. I did, and I won, and while I survived the experience I won’t be doing that again unless there’s some very good reason. This stuff is somewhere between 25 to 50 times as hot as regular Tabasco0.

It’s been one of those evenings. I’ve had a nice relaxing day, I’ve had a few drinks, and I bought intriguing food items which clamour to be tried. So I tested the hotsauce. A note of clarification: by ‘tested’ I mean that I removed the various warning labels from the bottle, wiped my fingertip lightly over the (dry) top end of the bottleneck, and licked my finger.

Yaaaaaaagh.

After half an hour of lying on my back gargling about half a litre of milk1, I now feel competent enough to present this LiveJournal entry of my experiences. (And I have (hic) a sho(hic)cking case of (hic)hiccups. Excu(hic)se me.)

Yaaaaaaaagh.

“It is theorised” (Wikipedia tells me) “that the pain induced by capsaicin causes the human body to release endorphins”. I’m sorry, but just no. Endorphins are strongly associated in my mind with the high following sex, or some other pleasant experience. The sensation of lava-in-the-mouth is not one I plan on ever associating with anything I ever might want to do again2.

YaaaaaAAAAGH! heeeehhhhhh

“Symptoms of [capsaicin] overdose include difficulty breathing, blue skin, and convulsions and uncontrollable, painful nipple erections”, Wikipedia further tells me4, and <whoah! TMI>I must admit that my chest has gone all tingly</TMI>. I feel obliged also to observe that “The Uncontrollable, Painful Nipple-Erections” wbaenfarb.

I just spent half an hour gargling milk in order to relieve the agony. I’m not sure if I should be more concerned that the entire event was self-inflicted or that the resultant liquid I was swallowing (because there’s nowhere else to put milk once you’ve gargled it) was essentially chilli-fried bovine lactic secretions.



fn0. Assuming that the Scoville scale is linear; I don’t know for certain and I have more important things in my mouthon my mind just now.

fn1. Capsaicin is insoluble in water, but can be soluble in dairy products; this is why you shouldn’t drink water after a hot curry, and why Lassis are sold in any reputable Indian restaurant.

fn2. Although, strangely, I’m strongly tempted to try it again, to see if the results are replicable, in the interests of Science, of course3.

fn3. Oh, the things I do for Science. Science, my harsh mistress. I’m going to stop now before people start extrapolating.

fn4. Corrected for shitty spelling perpetrated by some Wikipedia `editor’.

Scatman Dan | 2009-02-04 19:24:08 UTC

I bought a bottle of Da Bomb a few years back – lasted ages, not least because you only need to use a miniscule amount of it, but also because nothing is stupid enough to eat it except humans, so there’s little risk of it going off if it’s kept refridgerated.

Wow; it’s hot stuff, isn’t it?

When making a large pan of chilli con carne – you know, to feed 12+ people – I’d typically dip a strand of dried spaghetti into the bottle, wipe off any excess against the neck of the bottle, then dip the spaghetti into the sauce and give it a stir… that was enough! Quite a spectacular, fruity – almost mango-ey – hot flavour it gives.

David A. Smith | 2009-02-06 16:06:15 UTC

Evidently, people who enjoy this kind of masochistic experience are referred to as chili-heads he in the States. My son is one, and is actually on his second bottle of Da Bomb. I don’t know if I should be proud, or deeply concerned. He also likes to eat his Texas Pete’s (the preferred sauce for Buffalo wings here) by the spoonful. Not on a dare – just because he likes it that way.

Erik | 2009-03-27 08:50:25 UTC

Good to see I’m not the only one who hiccups at spicy food. My wife, who has a blast-furnace of a stomach, mocks me. Which presumably means she’s mocking you, too. You aren’t going to take that from her, are you?

promo codes | 2011-11-17 13:24:24 UTC

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